UNAVOIDABLE LAWS

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair:

   After your hands become coated with grease,

   your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop:

   Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability:

   The probability of ‘being watched’

   is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone:

   When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi:

   If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,

   the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law:

   If you change lines (or traffic lanes),

   the one you were in will start to move faster

   than the one you are in now. (Happens every time).

7. Bath Theorem:

   When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower,

   the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters:

   The probability of meeting someone you know increases

   when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result:

   When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics:

     The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule:

     At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle

     arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee:

     As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,

     your boss will ask you to do something,

     which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers:

     If there are only two people in a locker room,

     they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:

     The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich

     of landing face down on a floor covering

     are directly correlated to the newness,

     color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location:

     No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument:

     Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law:

     If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law:

     A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law:

     As soon as you find a product that you really like,

     they will stop making it.

- Unknown